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Sat, May. 13th, 2017, 08:13 am
... and she's influencing me in a bad way...

talked to grace after gym class yesterday.

i ended up asking her how her personal training session is going. what is she working on? and i actually feel happy that she's happy with her experience and she feels her experience has been well worth it. her number one comment i feel had to deal with... learning how proper form is really important... and that what she learned from her training session... has helped her in gym class.. making her feel better about herself and happier with gym class in general.

she ended up telling me she got 10 sessions with her.. and she will be able to get one free additional one.. and she can bring her bf if she wanted. yeah, apparently she's not single... but than again, she's not married either.. cuz she just mentioned bf... not fiance or husband. for some reason, i ended up getting this sinking feeling when she mentioned her bf to me. like i've encountered other women like her before... one time, i asked this woman if she was going to stay for the next class... and she mentioned to me... i cant, my husband is expecting me to be back home. and i *HATE* that. i like being single. i like not having a bf. i like the fact, i can do whatever i want without having to answer to anybody. but grace still comes across as strong and really independent to me still tho. i mean, she runs her own business. really admirable i feel. i wish i was capable of being my own boss like that. gonna visit her work place one day. but still, the fact that she's in a relationship... feel i cant ask her to hang out... cuz girls in relationships.. i feel often times end up doing everything with their significant other instead. just the way i feel sometimes.

but anyways, getting back to her personal training session. she was talking to me about how she felt the same as me. Why pay money for personal training sessions? but for her, she feels it has been money worth well spent.. as she has gained a lot from such experience. and i feel happy for her actually. i've benefited too from such an experience... albiet they have always been free. the reason why i am capable of the clean and press with a heavy weight... was actually from a free personal training session. like i felt i couldnt do such a thing with such heavy weight in bodypump. it always feeling like an extra struggle for me. but the movement is a whole entire body movement, not just the arms. i mean, despite what instructors say in class, sometimes u just need that certain individual attention to make that difference so yeah, that particular training session alone had been really beneficial for me.

but yeah, grace was telling me how her trainer tamara is also leading a group training session. its posted right at the entrance. i saw it. and grace was asking me.. if i was interested in signing up. i told her, but i dont want to pay the money. and she went on telling me.. u earn/make your own money tho. she use to feel the same way... but she makes her own money.. and if it makes u feel happy... why not. i asked her if she ended up signing up with her group sessions... and she said no. that she'd rather sign up if she knew the other ppl... and that if i signed up.. she would sign up too tho. SO 'EFFIN HORRIBLE.

honestly, i feel i could gain the same results from gym class. i mean, my mind feels like.. if i am going to be spending so much amount of money on such training sessions... i need to see effin *RESULTS*. i cant just do it for the so called "fun" of it. if anything i think i'd gain more from personal training sessions.. as opposed to group training. either way... she's influencing me in a bad way...

dont think she has children. and i think perhaps her family prolly lives in korea still. just assuming. grace asked me if i will be at the gym this sunday. and she told me to text her so we could possibly meet. this sunday is mothers day. apparently she's not doing anything particular that day... neither am i for that matter...

Tue, May. 9th, 2017, 10:22 pm
my poor legs...

And I can't believe I ran today too. Just 4 miles. Did it under 40 minutes... so it was a good time. But still, that doesnt change the fact my leg muscles feel so sore. To the point it feels uncomfortable to walk. Its my hamstring and groin area. Worked on legs yesterday. Not sure if my soreness is from my workout I did on the gym floor... or if its coupled with the fact I did bodypump twice. Either way, im feeling effin sore. Yesterday, i did the wide stance squat, and the overhead squat. Does that make such muscles ache afterwards.

Anyways, I missed gym class after my run. I got pissed with myself. Shoulda started my run earlier. So i just went straight home. Had dinner. Ended up going to the gym in englewood cliffs around 8pm. Jammed packed with pPl. But I worked on back and biceps. Tomorrow I focus on chest and triceps..

Mon, May. 8th, 2017, 09:43 pm
quick thought...

upped my weight in the bicep track this evening.
thats the one track where i feel i always remain the same weight..
and well, i just decided for the heck of it to try it out...
not bad.. surprised myself actually..

and i feel i reached a milestone in grit strength these past couple of week or so. when it comes to completing routines i've never completed before. started out using 20 lbs in grit strength.. i was told only ONE time to up my weight back then... and ive never been told such a thing again... as i've been able to make my own choice on that. these days i facilitate on deciding whether or not to try 55 lbs in that class. in the back of my mind i want try it out.. but then i chicken out. i dont want to end up being too premature with my decision...

Mon, May. 8th, 2017, 12:35 pm
My weight at the gym this morning...

102.5...
i dunno.
i gotta stop weighing myself i feel...

i honestly dont want to lose weight...
i actually want to gain more weight/more muscle,
A LOT more muscle..
yet lose bodyfat percentage at the same time too...

my nutritional breakdown these days

protein: 156 grams
fat: 52 grams
carbohydrates: 104 grams.

wanna reduce my carb intake to eventually 52 grams.
and then carb load on my off days...

like i said, and i'm not trying to make an excuse... but i feel being shorter is more difficult when it comes to disciplining yourself with the nutritional part. just cuz a taller person will naturally end up weighing more, naturally be capable of taking in more calories..

Mon, May. 8th, 2017, 12:19 pm
Looking forward to her return...

grace and i, we've been texting each other a few times this week. when we were suppose to get together at the gym last sunday.. she texted me about how she got injured and had to receive stitches. her dr recommended that she should take it easy... wait for the stitches to be removed. well, her bruise is gone... so she plans on taking classes this evening in paramus. her stitches will be coming out tomorrow.

a part of me feels like i would like taking the same class with her...
but i've been participating in gym class these past couple of years on my own accord. without having to rely on others to attend. and i dont want to get into that sorta bind... i dont want to rely on others.. or have others rely on me.

my communication with her feels good. like i dont really talk about gym class with anyone and how i feel it has affected me. i mentioned to grace that... while she looks at me as a fit person... i wasnt always like that. telling her that in the beginning... i tried the 30 minute bodypump class... and i had found that class too overwhelming to me at first. feeling the class was over my head. so i ended up quitting. somehow i returned.. and over time i ended up improving. and i still want to improve.

i feel i dont really need a personal trainer...
but i think i'd benefit more from a friend in whom i can train with instead. i told her next time we get together at the gym... that she should bring a notebook. as i plan on giving her my exercise routines i've been doing. its a 12 week training online program... which is good for all levels. its labeled as a "transformation" program. and in all honestly, i feel i am kinda advanced for it... but since i started it, i'm committed to it. and will follow thru and finish it. i currently started my third week on it this morning. hopefully, i will see some changes at the end still. at any rate, feel grace would benefit more from this tho. she comes across as more delicate, and not as strong to me... more room for improvement.. so, feel she would see more changes doing this. after my 12 weeks of this is over... gonna start another programs... a 6 week one which more focuses on "muscle building"... lifting heavier..

love doing pushups. but feel i could add some challenge to it. with grace, had this thought.. she could add 10 lbs plates to my back while i do them.

looking forward to this friday actually...

Mon, May. 8th, 2017, 11:58 am
Monday morning shoulder track...

god...

shoulder track is one of my favorite tracks in bodypump in general.
it ends up being the LASt track too...
the best is saved for last...

shoulder track just ends up feeling like a killer.
love the challenge. if it felt easy, it wouldnt feel so fun...

used 40 lbs today.
it started off slow...
but the LASt segment was fast STRICT shoulder press movements...
i didnt see it coming...
no time to waste...
i wont lie, i missed a rep or two...
instructor does it with 40 lbs with no problem
makes me go god...
wanna be able to get by with that same weight too...

damn, enjoyed having mondays off these past couple of weeks...

Thu, May. 4th, 2017, 12:45 pm
My current stats...

waist measurement: 28"
height: 4'10"
weight: 104
BMI: 21.73%

i want my body fat percentage to go down to at least 20%..
i would like it to go down to 19% actually...
but right now, i have to think in smaller increments...
and i'm shooting for 20 now...

i want to gain more muscle too...
but reducing my bodyfat percentage is the most difficult i feel...

i think being shorter, makes it more hard too..
like a taller person is able to get by having more calories..
also, the closer u are to your ideal goal...
the more difficult it gets...

in feb of 2015: i weighed 112.
waist measurement: 33"
i had joined the gym nov of 2014.

Wed, May. 3rd, 2017, 09:33 pm
10/10 MAX OUT..

10 front squats
10 clean and presses..
max out with the bent over row..

Uh huh...
50 lbs bar...
i finally got to finish the round my first time...
maxed out with the row with 7 reps...

my mind is thinking that i am not going to make it..
feeling like my front squat is a bit slow....
but i made up my time with the clean and press...

i have to think in smaller increments...
but i want to eventually increase my weight to 55 lbs...
i just surprise myself.

lowered my weight in the shoulder track tonight tho in bodypump...
i just cant get that quote outta my mind...
half ass movements produces half ass results...
so yeah, i feel like i had to succumb to going down...
made me feel frustrated...
but i think thats got to be one of my favorite shoulder tracks..
music is intense feeling too..

Tue, May. 2nd, 2017, 09:51 pm
shoulder stretches...

my fucking shoulders...
they end up being the most sore these days...
i feel that is the one area where i need
the most focus when it comes to stretching...

Tue, May. 2nd, 2017, 08:46 pm
and i feel that i like variety in my routines...

variety, learning something new..
feel like thats what makes exercise/training more interesting for me.. sometimes what i discover in one class... i incorporate it in another. EXAMPLE. i took CX once.. and with the side plank position, we ended up using a plate. So, today... in the sandbell class, when we did a side plank, i held a dumb bell in my hand... i feel i could have used a heavier weight too.. anyways, ive come to realize in that class... sometimes when it comes to certain movements, i feel u can actually use a dumb bell instead. so today, i ended up grabbing a few and had them near by, just in case... but i had only used it just once for the side plank...

i thought doing the speed skater today was interesting. usually i've done it with just bodyweight... but today, it was done by holding a sandbell weight in our hand, alternating.. new discoveries like that.. i like. something new to me. now that i think of it... i am pretty sure, you could do a similar movement using a kettlebell..

feel the paramus instructor is interesting cuz i feel he incorporates his own moves in class sometimes. like with bodypump yesterday... we did these pushups... but instead he made us use the bar... the bar is on the floor.. we put our hands around it... and we do pushups from that. During evening class in bodypump... i tried to incorporate that type of move when we had to do pushups in one of the tracks... i know there ends up being less stress on the wrists. and i feel it prolly forces u to maintain better form... cuz with improper form, you can easily than end up having the barbell roll away from u.

i did 40 lbs in the shoulder track in the morning time. Felt good. i didnt overly struggle. Evening class... WAY more difficult. i can do slow, strict movements with that weight.. but when it comes to doing it fast... like 4 in a row, my shoulders ends up eventually burning... but i like that shoulder track cuz of its challenge. and while i stuck with the 40 lbs... i wont lie... the weight was prolly too much for me when it came to that particular routine. did i just end up gaining half ass results??!! maybe. at least i didnt put the bar down... i just ended up being slower with my rep... raising that bar feeling so friggin hard for me. that is my challenge i want to overcome.. be able to do that particular shoulder track with 40 lbs with not so much extreme struggle..

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